“Interdiet” Relationships
Posted on Monday, March 5th, 2012 at 11:55 amLast week I came across an article on CNN about how differences in diet can cause serious divisions in relationships. As you would expect, the article primarily focused on couples with extremely different diets with more than a few examples of half vegan/half omni pairs. What struck me was how seriously the couples in the story and the author treated the subject, even going so far as to offer up tips for navigating this issue from a licensed psychologist.
I suppose my surprise stems from my own experience as the vegan half of an “interdiet” relationship. When my husband and I met 10 years ago I ‘d never given a second thought about the implications of eating animals and had an appetite for them that matched his own. Fast forward to today where I’m now an enthusiastic animal advocate who keeps a fairly strict vegan diet while he remains a conscientious but dedicated omnivore.
I suppose on paper that sounds like a recipe for disaster (and according to this CNN article, it is!) but that couldn’t be further from the truth for us. Andy has been and remains open-minded and supportive of my slow but steady transformation from unequivocal meat eater to full-on vegan even as he continues to include animal products in his diet.
Certainly it helps that he is the least picky eater possible (he can be counted on to dispose of the failed vegan experiments that even I won’t touch with a ten foot pole) but more than that I think the reason our differing diets have been such a non-issue for us is owed to our deep mutual respect for each other. While I do keep an entirely vegan kitchen/home, he’s free to buy and prepare anything he wants (an option he very rarely exercises). Likewise, when we eat out, he orders as he pleases. As for me, I keep all my gross-out facts and guilt-inducing stories of animal abuse and neglect to a bare minimum in his presence (sometimes it slips!) and abstain from food-related judgement or preaching.
Sure, I would love it if he decided to become vegan but if things are just the way they are now in 50 years, I’m cool with that too. I’d bet you he feels the same.
I know our situation isn’t an uncommon one, so I’m curious: if you’re in an “interdiet” relationship, how does it work for you? Is it a major issue? Give me the scoop in the comments!
I am the vegan half of a vegan/omni pair. It has caused strain, at least for me, since I was vegetarian when we met, then I “went off the wagon” (ate meat)for a short time with him, then went back vegetarian before going vegan. It is a moral/ethical issue for me and he has not been completely respectful of my decision, although he has gotten much better. To complicate things more, we have a 1 1/2 year old son that I want to raise vegetarian (Compromise, right?? He still is vegetarian as of now…as far as I know) but my husband says that he will not “deny him” meat/traditions when the time comes. This makes me very uncomfortable and upset. To be honest, this may be horrible to say but I have thought at times that we may not make it together because of this issue, but even if we split up he would have visitation and would let him have meat then anyway and I don’t want to break up our family. My husband is a wonderful father. Any advice on this issue would be appreciated.
Hi Lisa,
I’m really bummed that your decision to go veg has been anything but great for you
Ultimately (and as I’m sure you’re aware), I think diet related struggles aren’t really about food at all. It’s an issue of respect – which is also why I don’t think it’s totally crazy for you to say you have real concern for the future of your relationship because of this problem.
Of course, I can only speak from my own experience and am in no way a relationship expert!
I hope everything works out for you and I wish you all the best!
~Kelsey
I’m super lucky … I’m the vegan half of a plant-based couple. I was an on-again-off-again sortakinda/half-assed vegetarian when we met. Went completely vegetarian over a year ago, and vegan last fall. My husband is technically an omni, but at home, I’m completely vegan and he’s nearly vegan. He does most of the cooking and I am SUPER LUCKY that he makes all sorts of tasty vegan food for me. He’s on board with a plant-based diet, and chooses it the majority of the time for himself. But – he likes his cheese every now and again, and when we go out, he very occasionally eats meat (mostly fish/seafood.) Similar to you – I try to keep my gross-out facts and preaching to myself (unless he asks) and he is beyond respectful of my diet. We’re trying to get pregnant and the compromise is looking like it will be probably a vegetarian-at-home type thing for the potential kiddo.
Wow! You really are a lucky lady!! That is so, so great – as it should be. Best of luck to you both on pending kiddo plans
I’m the vegan and he won’t ever give up meat
Oh well, I love him to pieces! As far as our kids go, I’m not raising them vegan/vegetarian. I won’t personally feed them meat, but if the husband wants to and they want to eat it, they can. I had an eating disorder so I am never the type of vegan to tell other people what they must eat – being told what/what not to eat was one of my triggers. The only rule we’re going for is healthy food!
Lisa,
I have an 8 year old and we’ve been doing an organic diet for years now, and finally now switching to vegan + organic. I can give some advice. While this may go against all you believe in, I think your husband is right in letting your child try some of the meat/traditions when the time comes. I tried to keep my son with his strict diet, but there are so many class parties, birthday parties, and food projects that I finally had a talk with him. I explained that the food was not organic, but if he would like to try it, he can. I was hoping he would be satisfied with his “substitute” treat, but actually he felt the desire and curiosity to try it. I’ve allowed him this breadth of freedom to make those choices and do not scold him for it. We talk about it, and there are times he complains that the other children eat so much “good stuff” which is really junk, and I try to find the balance between it all. I don’t think you should deny your child the taste though. We are turning vegan now, but I have said that if he really wants a hotdog, I will give it to him (as long as it’s grass fed and organic). Part of it I believe, stems from him wanting to fit in with the other kids. Good luck to you, but I definitely don’t think you should divorce your husband! With my husband (who was not eager to jump on the bandwagon), I occasionally send him emails of articles I’ve read supporting my cause. By the way, “Forks Over Knives” is what turned me into a vegan.